Healing After Divorce

Healing after divorce is not easy, especially if you have gone through betrayal. For me, the first three months were very difficult after we filed divorce. He was my best friend, the best husband and dad. I trusted him 100%, thinking any man could cheat, but him. The reality taught me a good lesson.

First, let yourself grieve. Divorce is a big loss in life. You can be in your shell for a while. I isolated myself for a month, not talking to anyone. I let anger and sadness overtake me. Cry and scream as much as I want, in my own room. Punch the pillows to let go of my anger. Journal every day.

Second, reach out. After about a month, I texted one of my Chinese friends about my divorce. She immediately replied, asking if I had enough money to hire a divorce lawyer. I almost cried, feeling so grateful to have such great support from her. Then I talked to another friend, who played a very important role in my healing. She is a dedicated Christian. She cried with me on the phone and prayed for me and my kids. She told me to go to the Sunday services and divorce care program in her church. I did. I also went to see a therapist specialized in betrayal trauma.

Third, empower yourself with knowledge. I started to read a lot of books about divorce and healing. Highly recommend one book called The Betrayal Bind. I didn't need to see a therapist after reading this book. I googled and did a lot of research about the divorce law in Washington. Thanks to my Church friends, I found the best divorce attorney to consult with. She is not only the best divorce lawyer but also a very good person. I'm sure I'll be doing great with her help, whether we go to the court or not.

Fourth, think about the kids. Be amicable. We are no longer married but we are still our kids' parents. I could have made the divorce process as ugly and dramatic as it could be because I wanted " revenge". But it would have hurt everyone deeply, including the kids.

Fifth, good food and exercises. Good food and exercises help build strong body and mind. When you are strong physically and mentally, healing is a natural thing.